Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
