Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
