She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
