got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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