it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
