i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
