It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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