I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize