We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dicks are not precious.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
