I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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