I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
