She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
