Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
