sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
