Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
