he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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