Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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