the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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