It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
