I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
bring money and cleavage
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
