Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
