my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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