Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
