Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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