I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
