Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
