I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
