Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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