don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i used baking grease as lip gloss
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
