Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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