News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
