OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
