when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize