Don't you send me to vm
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
