road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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