So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
