Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
