none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
