omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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