I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize