I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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