I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
