honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize