3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize