I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
God, I missed his penis.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
