to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
