If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
