I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
