If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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