I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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