i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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