We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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