he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
