end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
