Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
