I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize