I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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