He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
