Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
