i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
