It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
