she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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