Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we should paint friendship bongs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
