Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
