There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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