sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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