well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
