I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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