it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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